Beautiful Disaster

Literally for the past four nights I have been unable to sleep. And I don’t mean that I’m tossing and turning and waking up frequently throughout the night - I mean that I lay there and look into blackness because my body has decided not to sleep anymore. And currently my hand has the remains of mascara all over it from wiping my tear filled eyes in frustration. It’s quite ridiculous.

My mom asked me today, “Does God want to tell you something?”

“Maybe He does, but I am just angry because I’m not sleeping,” was my response.

So here I am. Blogging and about to spend some time reading the bible to find out if He wants to talk to me. Or maybe my body has just decided to go crazy. Who knows!

One thing I learned today: 15% of churches in America are growing. 14% of that are growing from the overflow of others churches that are growing stale and old or from those that have been shut down. 1% of the 15% are growing from actual conversions.

1% of churches are growing because of the saving power of the gospel.

1%

I believe there is a lack of evangelism in this generation. There is a lack of people taking initiative for other peoples’ souls. We think that telling someone about Jesus is old fashioned and irrelevant top today’s generation. We wait for the church to do it - when in reality - we are the church. Shine your light for ALL men to see, or at least that’s what we are told. If not you, than who? You were born for SUCH A TIME AS THIS. What will you do with it?

I hate getting stuck in my own self centered world, but I love nothing more than someone saying something or doing something to pull me out of it in an instant… Intentionally or not.

The other day I was chit chatting with my friend, and like most conversations we were talking about how I don’t shower and bla bla… I guess this is a well known fact. Minus it’s not a fact. On this new shower everyday kick. That lasted one day… I’ll start again tomorrow. So one thing led to another - which led to being a dirty hipster - which led to me fitting in, in Nashville because there are lots - which led to it being my destiny - which led to me saying,

“I’m ready for some destiny in my life.”

-which led to him saying,

“you’re already in it.. destiny is a path, not a place.”

And my mind was literally blown to pieces. I looked down at my phone and let out a deep breath. Seriously. That was a deep thought and I wasn’t prepared for it at all!

It really got me thinking. It is a very true statement. And I wondered what I had missed. I have been working to get to a destination my whole life. For example, I went to school and I was working towards the end of it in order for me to assist and grow more. Now that I’m there I am working to have my own chair so I can build my business. And so on and so on.

Every spot I’m in, I’m working to get to the next spot. And I’m over it. Really. What have I missed because I am too busy anxiously awaiting the next step, the next stop, the next destination? Done. So done.

I want to be happy being completely single not dying to get into a relationship, however hard that may be ;) I want to enjoy the things I can do now to its fullest because one day I will have a boyfriend, fiancé, and then a husband.

I want to enjoy my time in Michigan, because I just don’t feel I’ll be here forever.

I want to enjoy the moment of being an assistant at work and the opportunities I have there NOW.

I want to enjoy the place in ministry God has for me now… Not waiting for the next thing or the next friend or the next whatever. I want to see clearly the opportunities God has for me now and not wait for the next big thing to come along. I want lives to be changed in my RIGHT NOW, with what I’ve been given, and with the places I am at.

Remember, “destiny is a path, not a place” and “life is easy with your eyes closed”. Open them. Live life. Be human.